I remember when I first started to blog for public viewing. Years ago during the Starstruck competition. We were all given a space online (14 of us), through Igma.tv --we were asked to reach out to the 'fans'. And I thought sure, that would be really cool.. I love writing, no problem! But I wanted to use that space as a channel of communication with you, as a way to impart a bit of me.. and not to campaign for more votes like what we were asked to do. After some time though, just right after the competition, that site was shut down without any notice. I had to look for another place. So we all moved in this spot in cyberspace. And the journey continues.

When I first started to blog, I just wanted to communicate with you, those people who have been consistently showed their support. I thought I owe it to you... that this is the least thing I can do to show my appreciation for all of you. After all, who am I that you are spending time to check out on me. But I love writing, so this became a place where I come and share my heart a little too.

Now I am a public figure and a self-confessed Christian. Being so conscious about that, I felt the pressure to always post positively. I felt that eyes were on me and that if I showed discouragement, or if I failed {whether spiritually, emotionally, or in any aspect}, and showed it here, I was failing you. I have since come to acknowledge that being 'perfect' is what is expected of anyone from 'showbiz world'. Have you ever noticed? People from showbiz, most especially the superstars, they always have the projection of being 'wow!positive-in-everything' .. In speech, in life, in lifestyle, in everything! Because that is what's expected from them. And they get compliments and praises for that, and that adds to the pressure! Somehow, I felt the force, being somehow part of showbiz, 'a role model' , I always have to be 'upbeat'. So I thought I only wanted to blog about anything uplifting. But somewhere along the way that has changed somewhat.

I have spent quite a bit of time over the past few months thinking about what direction I want my writings to go. I love writing about anything beautiful, anything inspiring. I want to be a woman of 'good vibes', and victory. But you know what, I also want to focus on not only my joys, but my struggles, and above all -my walk in Christ. I don't want to be put in a position of a showbiz personality where people put you in a high regard, in a pedestal. Where people, because of their too much adoration project you as 'perfect'. Not that I am viewed like that, but I'm just stressing a point here. It's insane! You know how sometimes, because of too much adoration --some people tend to think of their 'idol' as 'perfect'? Someone without fault, or ok, close to perfect. But c'mon, is there existence of such a thing??

It has been a long road coming to terms with the fact that I don't always have to be “on”. I want to be upbeat and positive but I am not always that way. Humans are prone to blow it. I am a human being and guess what, that makes it feel good to say that I am not perfect!

I have come to realize that there are no perfect people. God knows that I am far from perfect myself. I make mistakes every single day of my life. I am still a gnarled, empty, tree trunk much of the time. But there are no perfect lives nor perfect personalities. There are only shadows of grace in a fallen world, and if we search hard enough… we might just able to sit in that shade for a while and rest.

I've been incredibly blessed with great readers and supporters. To call them 'fans' is just never appropriate. Ugh. I dislike that word. I call them friends.
Please let me remind you that I should not be a blank canvas on which you can project all the best qualities of your ideal woman on. Please let me be real in my pain. Real in my failures. Real in my shortcomings. And accept me still.

I have countless of flaws. I commit slip-ups. I make bad choices sometimes. I still have moments of complete and utter frustration at what life can hand me.

But then I look deep into those shadows and see a perfect Gods grace...
And all is well in my little imperfect world.