untitled on purpose.

Sometimes the pain is so huge that I want to cry, often times so overjoyed that I can't contain it ...but I don't tell anyone.
There is a tiny, secret part of me that is bitterly amused at the silent martyrdom.

Taming the tongue

What we say and what we don't say are both important.

When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the captain wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise God, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. This should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? Can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

It is true that I won’t be part of Bente anymore. 

First of all, I want you to know that I was really looking forward to do this film. The script was sent to me 2 days before the 1^st shooting day. I refused to play the role and before you hear any reasons from the newspaper or wherever, hear it straight from me. As you have already read from somewhere, there will be a love scene, let me quote from the script “mapusok na naglo-love making si –name of characters-” .. I got shocked. Now please know, it is not a sexy film, and it will be directed by a great and talented director, direk Mel (who is by the way, very gracious and understanding of me), I am sure direk Mel and the team has a plan already of how to execute that particular scene for the movie. I understood the story after reading the whole script. While the goal of the movie (to my understanding) is to show “reality” – the evil of the society, e.g. dirty politics, injustice, immorality, etc.. I cannot do it, not for any other reason but because of personal conviction. The movie is full of violence and swearing, and the character that I was supposed to portray is a teenager who is sexually involved with her boyfriend and worse I have to “act it”. It is beyond my moral standards. I am not saying the movie is wrong, in fact it is correct in a sense that it is true in picking up some of the common problems of  the society, it is very realistic and for that I commend the scriptwriter. I heard that the movie is an “all star cast”, and if I am not mistaken only two of us are “babies” from the business, it would have been really great to be working with all of them. On the first day of shooting my call time was 8:30 am, I arrived almost 2 hours earlier.. When I was having my heart to heart talk with direk Mel, he started by telling me that I am their first and only choice for the role, I was thanking him and telling him how flattered I am but at the same time I was telling him little by little about my dilemma, Imagine how hard it was for me to hear all the recognition from him but at the same time I know as the conversation builds up, it will eventually lead to ‘I can’t do it’.

I know I am an actress and I’m supposed to “act” and give justice to whatever role is given to me, pero mahirap kalaban ang personal conviction and because of that, I cannot compromise. Ever since Starstruck days, "maarte at pasaway" ako because I didn't want to wear clothes that will show a lot of skin. You know I was suspended for not wearing a 2-piece and ramp on national tv; I was really angry because I was asked to attend a photoshoot and I didn’t know it was for a mensmag cover. I have had issues like these. Ang hirap. I regret agreeing to do a kissing scene while doing my first teleserye, cos now people can question me na bakit noon pumayag ako, even then I was only forced to do so. 

I’m going to be honest, I miss working, and I am worried that this incident won’t help me make my network realize that I WANT TO WORK. I really do. ='(

You all heard the phrase:

In these troubled times when people regard each other based on looks, social status and material possessions...

"You Can't Judge A Book By It's Cover"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luRmM1J1sfg

-- Watch and let Susan Boyle put a smile in your heart.. :)

---Oh if I may just add, I personally love Elaine Paige of 'CATS' and Memory is one of my favorite piano pieces.

Get the cross right!

Today I was in church. Every 'Holy friday' our pastor would teach the congregation the 'School of the cross'. It was the first time I attended the School of the cross.. and it was a great decision. Six hours of learning about Jesus' trials, betrayal, and crucifixion. What a fascinating study. If only I can share with you everything I learned in one entry I would!

I thought I wasn't going to blog anything about 'Lenten season'. ..

For me it is a very touchy and sensitive topic that I didn't want to just blog anything about it just for the sake of blogging and then end it with "have a blessed holy week!".

Every "Holy week" we remember what Jesus did on the cross.

Who doesn't know about Jesus...? Yes, of course, every single person on earth must have heard about this Jesus. Jesus, the one who suffered and was crucified on the cross and rose again on the third day of his death. and Judas, the one who betrayed him. Jesus the hero, Judas the villain. Sounds familiar?

I'm sorry, but to many people Jesus is just like a popular actor.

Only popular actors has millions of die-hard fans that follow their lives. Fans who are nosey and who seem to care about everything that is happening in their "idol's" life. Fans who has all the time (or at least try) in the world to show their love and support.. reading news, creating forums and stuff, etc. Looking forward to see their next tv show or film. Fans that are dying to see and meet their favorite actor in person. Forgive me for using that illustration, but it is simple to understand, and we can all relate to it. Whether a fan of an actor or not we are somehow a "fan" of someone or something and I am not saying it is wrong. That is human nature. Nobody pays attention to Jesus though. How many people do you think is interested about Jesus? How many people do care about what Jesus is thinking? What are His desires.. What are His achievements.. How many people do you think finds the time to read the bible? How many people do you think is interested about Jesus' story? How many people are even looking forward to meet that Jesus, the Son of God?

Just like the fans who think they know their favorite (based on what they see and hear), they don't really know him or her, they do not know the whole truth, they do not know the "real story", they do not know them up close and personal so to speak. Not unless they have a direct, personal relationship with the person. It is the same with Jesus. Jesus is the hero and the central of Holy week. But how much do we really know Him?

Do not be satisfied with what you already know -or rather what you only know about Jesus. He died for you, you know that since you're a toddler.... I mean c'mon, aren't you curious of who this Jesus is?!?

Friends, nothing is greater than knowing HIM. Nothing is greater than being a Jesus fanatic. Nothing is greater than being His friend. Nothing is greater than having a personal relationship with our Creator, the Creator of the universe, the Living GOD!

I am not gonna be ashamed of my Jesus. I am not gonna be ashamed of what He has done for you and me. He left His throne in heaven and died for us. And that same JESUS WHO DIED ON THE CROSS, that same Jesus is risen, HE IS ALIVE...seated on His throne in heaven watching you reading this right now.. Do you know His ultimate desire? He wants to have a relationship with you. He is knocking at the door of your heart, He wants to be a part of your life, He wants to be your Lord and Savior.

I am not skilled to understand

What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior

I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior

Chorus (2x's)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be

Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior.

- "I am the way, the truth, and the life.

No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:6

Are you pretty? :)

Jeremiah 4:30
'Why do you dress up in beautiful clothing
and put on gold jewelry? Why do you brighten
your eyes with paint and mascara?
Your primping will do you no good!'

1Peter 3:3
'Your beauty should not come from outward
adornment, such as braided hair and wearing
of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it
should be that of your inner self, the unfailing
beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.

1Samuel 16:7
'For the Lord does not look at the things
man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks at the heart.'

Proverbs 31:30
'Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.'